Sweeter

Is it really just a matter of luck?

 

Steve and Teresa....lucky in love!

Eric and I went on a double-date with our friends Steve and Teresa.  Like us, Steve and Teresa have each been married before.   They're good-looking, 40-something, professionals, with grown children, and an amazing home in Oregon City.   On top of that...they are madly and truly in love with each other....yeah, it almost makes ya want to hate them, huh?

We met Steve and Teresa for dinner at SouthPark in downtown Portland.  www.southparkseafood.com   It's a favorite restaurant of all of ours.  Dinner, as always, did not dissappoint.  The guys had steaks, the girls, pasta and fish, all washed down with a lovely bottle of red wine that the waiter recommended. 

What I like about Steve and Teresa is that they always seem to enjoy being in each other's company.  Obviously they love each other, and better still, they are best friends.  They seem to go together like milk and cookies.  They admire and respect each other and are each other's biggest fans.  You won't find petty rivalry or jealousy with them....just confident trust and admiration.  Each of them is quick with a smile and they have a "glass half full" attitude that is contagious.

After dinner we had cocktails at Red Star, another favorite.  While sipping our drinks I asked them how long they have been married now.  Steve, with a big grin, and without hesitation says the years, months and days they have been husband and wife.  They laugh and lightly kiss. (Another good thing about this couple, they're affectionate, but without any embarrassing tonsil-cleansing kisses in public).  Teresa then says, "It's just luck". 

According to Teresa, finding the perfect mate is a matter of luck.  You can be physically attracted to someone, unable to resist their chemical calling card, but to actually then fall in love and have that person turn out to be your best friend to boot....well that's luck.  Eventually the fire's heat lessens, and that is when many couples flounder.  But, if that fire was started by someone who is your best friend....you have something even more amazing....a life-long companion.  Someone who you never grow tired of being with.  It's all a matter of luck, she says, and she and Steve, just happened to hit the jackpot.

I ponder her words.  And I think back to what my mother told me after my second divorce.  She, too, said finding the right one was a matter of luck.  She said she got lucky by finding my dad the first time around....and, that eventually, I might too be lucky and find that perfect combination of lover and friend.  Luckily, she was right. I found Eric.

Why do weddings have to be so damn expensive?

 Michelle and Tim did the wedding thing right!  What a beautiful photo! 

When did weddings turn into over-the-top efforts to out-do and out-spend every wedding ever attended by the bride or groom.  It's not uncommon for a wedding today to cost $50,000, $60,000, even $100,000!  Brides pour themselves into strapless, sequined, yards of satin by a name designer gown and walk down the aisle with 15 of their closest friends at a hilltop resort overlooking the ocean while guests are seranaded by a string quartet....then off to the pre-reception cocktail hour, and then the five-course sit-down dinner reception followed by, of course, the after-party.  OMG....stop already! 

What happened to the lovely simple weddings of our parents generation?  My mother and father married in 1953.  A Marine, my father arrived from overseas just days before the wedding.  My mother wore a simple white tulle gown and her three bridesmaids wore gowns of pink tafeta.  The ceremony was at the local Catholic church and my mother carried a bouquet of flowers from my Granny's garden.  The reception was in the garden of my grandparents house.  The menu consisted of punch and cake (and I suspect a little scotch or brandy for the men at the back of the barn).  How sweet, how meaningful, how simple, how affordable....ahhhh.

Our friends Tim and Michelle got married this August.  Both in their 30's, this is Tim's second and Michelle's first marriage.  Michelle, a petite, beautiful redhead works in marketing and Tim is a cool, hip guy you'd expect to see hanging at a coffee shop, but he's actually an architect.  Being Michelle's first wedding, one might expect that she'd get caught up in the whole "let's put on a big show where I, yes, I, am the big, big star!".....but she did not.

Instead, she and Tim elected to have their ceremony on the sands of Cannon Beach (one of Michelle's favorite spots).  She wore a simple (somewhat sexy) white, sheer gown and flip flops.  Tim wore khaki's and a chocolate brown shirt (also flip flops).   The reception was held at the Cannon Beach Community Center.  Michelle's mom, aunts, father, cousins...all catered (and trust me, the food was amazing!)  Poached salmon, crab wontons (I want the recipe), pork tenderloin....and more.  Plus, wine, champagne, beer and soft drinks. 

Michelle did splurge (just a little) on her floral designer/event planner, Michael Lampson of Lasting Impressions (ok...quite seriously one of the most talented floral designers you'll ever meet)...and her fabulous photographer Kate Kelly (who also took Eric and my wedding photos) www.katekellyphotography.com.  But even in these two instances, she had a budget and she stuck to it.

The weather was iffy that day.  During the ceremony high winds pelted everyone with stinging sand and biting rain...but that didn't ruin the day.  As soon as they said "I do", the sun came out, the wind stopped...it was glorious.  In my opinion, Michelle and Tim did it right.  They had a meaningful, beautiful ceremony with family and close friends.  They worked within a budget....and then with the money they saved, they are going to Greece and Turkey for two weeks on their honeymoon...now, that's what I'm talking about!

Way to go, Michelle and Tim, way to go!

 

The lost art of being a gentleman

Ok, all you hard-core feminists, you may just want to skip this post, as I'm sure some of you are going to get your bra-burning panties in a bunch over this post...but here goes.

My husband Eric was taught in his conservative mid-west upbringing how to be a gentleman, and how a gentleman treats a lady.  We've been together six years, married for two, and he still opens my car door every time we get in the car (even in the pouring rain), opens doors to buildings, and picks up the check when we eat out.  When we are walking on the street, he always offers his arm to me and always makes sure he is on the outside and I am on the inside.  He offers his hand when I walk down stairs or a particularly slippery slope when we're hiking.  And, I love it....I love it all!

Before you assume I am a June Cleaver, pearl-wearing, chicken pot-pie making, homemaker....let me tell you, I'm not.  (Ok, I do like to make the occasional pot pie and I do own a strand of pearls).  But, I am a career woman, always have been.  I am a vice president of marketing at a local financial institution, a position I've worked the past 25 years to attain.  I've mentored and been mentored by amazing strong women (and some great guys) along the way.  I've won awards for my work and I've worked long hard hours.  I worked when my children were young, lived through the pain and expense of day care (harder on my kids than me).  I put myself through school and I've scrimped and saved to buy a home of my own.  I believe in a woman's right to choose (a lot of things, not just the pregnancy thing), I voted for Hillary, and I believe a woman can do anything she damn well puts her mind too.

But....I also believe that when it comes to relationships, men and women by nature and by God, have certain roles they naturally fulfill.  That's not to say a man can't make a great stay at-home parent, and a woman can't be the breadwinner...they can.  I'm talking about the interpersonal relationship the two of them share.

My husband treats me like a lady....he cherishes and respects me.  And I in turn treat him like a gentleman.  His care and treatment of me does nothing to diminish his respect for me as a businesswoman or an intellectual equal.  It merely shows me that he cares.

The fine art of being a gentleman is one that is rarely taught to our young boys today.  Maybe Dad's are too concerned that when their son tries opening a door for a young lady, she'll clock him and say she can do it herself.  What a sad, thing that would be. 

I for one am grateful my husband is a gentleman.  And many of my friends comment on how nice it is that Eric opens doors, etc. for me.  So guys, give it a try.  Open the door for your lady friend.  Hold open her chair.  Help her on with her coat.  Offer your arm as you stroll.  You might just be surprised at her response.  And, Dad's I challenge you to teach your son the art of being a gentleman.  Of treating women with care and respect.  Teach him to offer his seat to the elderly or pregnant woman on the Max.  Teach him to hold open the door for his mother.  Teach him that even if his offer is turned down, he did the correct thing.  Trust me....one day he will be rewarded for his efforts.

Eric and his father Leland (on left) who along with the other men in Eric's family, taught him the fine art of being a gentleman.