Man Vs. Squirrel

 
  MAN

VS.

 

SQUIRREL

For about the past year we've had at least two (maybe more) squirrels living in our attic.  When we discovered they were up there, Eric immediately insisted we hire an exterminator to come out and remove them.  Being the squirrel lover that I am, I didn't want them harmed so I called every exterminator in town looking for one who would trap them live and relocate them to a new home.  Well... apparently the "law" considers squirrels to be nuisance pests, and so exterminators are required to euthanize (their word) them.  How cruel! 

I couldn't bear the thought of those cute squirrels meeting their demise.  So, I convinced Eric that we should go up in the attic, shoo them out, and then seal up the entrance to where they were getting in.  Well...as it turns out, they are living in a part of the attic that is not accessible to humans (unless I want to belly crawl across insulation and heating ducts...ummm...no!).  So, Eric decided we should just seal up the hole.  Again, bleeding heart me says..."But what if they're in the attic when we seal the hole...they'll die".  At this point Eric threw up his hands and caved in.  The squirrels were going to be allowed to keep their home.

Then a few months later we heard a huge ruckus going on up in the attic.  It sounded like the squirrels were running and fighting...we even heard some squeaks...someone got injured.  About a week after that, Brianna came home for a visit.  She went into the bonus room (the attic above the bonus room is where the squirrels live) to put her stuff in.  Now...we don't really use our bonus room and hadn't been in it since the squirrel fight incident.  Brianna kept insisting there was a funny smell in the room.  I couldn't smell it.  The next weekend Eric and I went out of town.  When we came back the house was stuffy, so I went around opening windows.  When I opened the door to the bonus room, I was greeted by at least 500 hundred flies.....disgusting!  I screamed, closed the door, and got Eric (who fogged the room and killed them all!).  As near as we can tell, one of the squirrels didn't make it through the fight, died, and then became the home of maggots, who then matured to flies, who then somehow got into the room.  Gross, huh?

Fast forward another few months.  I noticed the squirrels are back in the attic.  Making all kinds of noise.  They look fat and happy...but I finally decided the time has come to evict the squatters in the attic.  I asked Eric if he could figure out a way to remove them without killing them.

Enter the Yardlover Human Squirrel Trap, available online for only $39.95.  So, Eric ordered the trap.  As soon as it arrived he put peanuts in the trap, set it and put it out on the deck to await our first "relocation candidate".  Eric set the trap in the morning before leaving for work.  When he got home he went out back to check the trap, and then called me at work to tell me the results.  Here's how the conversation went:

Me:  "Hi Sweetie"

Eric:  "I thought I'd give you an update on the squirrel relocation project."

Me:  "Did you get one?"  (Said with excitement)

Eric:  "Here's the score.  Man:  0  Squirrel: 1  The little bastard ate all the peanuts but didn't set off the trap"

Me: Laugh, laugh, laugh

Eric:  "I'm trying peanut butter tomorrow".

 

So, first round of Man v. Squirrel goes to the squirrel!   Gentlemen (and rodent) in your corners!  DING!  Roooound 2!

 

Comments

[Patty Stephens]

Oh!! This should make for an interesting project!! ha!